blessed.

i am extraordinarily blessed. extraordinarily blessed. all too often, i forget that. i focus on the difficult things in life, allowing them to blur my vision and cloud my thoughts. i forget that i have fantastic parents and friends, and that {for the most part} my life is going pretty smoothly.

i have "speed bumps" in my thought process. sometimes, these "speed bumps" last for days or weeks or even months. during these bumps, i lose sight of what really matters and focus on the menial things that are going incorrectly. {or at least, what i perceive to be incorrectly. i am forever becoming more aware of God's plan and my plan not being identical.} during these bumps, i can't see beyond the difficult. the seemingly impossible. the things in life that are just no fun. sometimes even the inevitable.

this week, i have been reminded that i have a God bigger than circumstances. i am learning that i need to focus on the lesson learned in the circumstances rather than the difficulties themselves. unfortunately, i wait until extremely low points before shifting my focus off of "why me?!" and onto "what does God have for me to learn through this?"

through this refocusing, i have learned that my future plans and God's future plans don't match up completely. i'm also learning that it's okay to let go of my future plans. God first asked me to give up my future plans back in january, and it was a painful thing to do. fear washed over me as questions of "now what?" flooded my mind. since then, i have become better at letting things go. i am able to trust that my Papa has a bigger plan. and trust that it's okay to be uncertain. i know my last post said that God showed me that i don't trust as well as i think i do, and that is most definitely true. but when it comes to my future, i am holding my hands open to him and allowing him control. it's a scary experience, but it's a good learning process.

i am blessed. i am blessed that God is teaching me these lessons. i am blessed to learn them at the age of 17 instead of 20 or 30 or 40 years down the road. i trust that the lessons i am learning now will have to be re-learned at different points in my life, but i also trust that God will be patient in the re-teaching process.

at this point, i am realizing just how fortunate i am, and i hope to hold on to that knowledge for a while. i have my days where i can't see the blessings {i'm like a toddler sometimes...kicking and screaming against reality} but am praying for more days full of the knowledge that i am blessed.