lessons.

i'm afraid i'm not very good at updating this blog. i go through phases of consistency and phases where i cannot formulate my thoughts into words because my heart cringes at the idea of vulnerability. lately, i've been trying to figure out what God's plan is for me at this point in my life. my heart longs to be overseas, loving on children, eating new foods, experiencing different cultures, and living a God-ordained adventure. however, i'm still in monument. i'm still a student at the local community college. i still work as a hostess at a local restaurant. and to be honest...i have no idea why. i don't understand why God has me here. for the past 9 months since i got back from guatemala, i've been trying to figure it out, and still have no answers.

however, i am learning to be grateful for what i am given, even if it is not what i would choose. over the course of the last year, i have become closer to my youngest siblings than ever before. i have been blessed with an amazing best friend. i have realized how extraordinary my parents are and how fortunate i am to have parents who love each other and love me. i have been able to get involved with the junior high girls at my church, and have loved it. these girls are fantastic, and challenge and encourage me every time i see them. i have coworkers who have my back in every situation. i have friends who support me through everything.

so for right now, i am learning to be grateful. i am trying to do my best to love the people God has put in my life at this time. i have no doubt that one day i will be loving a set of children in another country that will call me mama, but right now, i am learning to be content. i am growing and soaking up lessons that i will take with me for the rest of my life. while i cannot honestly say that i wouldn't trade this time, i am finally accepting the lessons i have to learn, and realizing that God knows where i am at in this moment and that He has a plan more perfect than any i could ever conjure up.