mold me.

"she is clothed in strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come."

- proverbs 31:25

oh God...mold me into this, i pray.

lessons.

i'm afraid i'm not very good at updating this blog. i go through phases of consistency and phases where i cannot formulate my thoughts into words because my heart cringes at the idea of vulnerability. lately, i've been trying to figure out what God's plan is for me at this point in my life. my heart longs to be overseas, loving on children, eating new foods, experiencing different cultures, and living a God-ordained adventure. however, i'm still in monument. i'm still a student at the local community college. i still work as a hostess at a local restaurant. and to be honest...i have no idea why. i don't understand why God has me here. for the past 9 months since i got back from guatemala, i've been trying to figure it out, and still have no answers.

however, i am learning to be grateful for what i am given, even if it is not what i would choose. over the course of the last year, i have become closer to my youngest siblings than ever before. i have been blessed with an amazing best friend. i have realized how extraordinary my parents are and how fortunate i am to have parents who love each other and love me. i have been able to get involved with the junior high girls at my church, and have loved it. these girls are fantastic, and challenge and encourage me every time i see them. i have coworkers who have my back in every situation. i have friends who support me through everything.

so for right now, i am learning to be grateful. i am trying to do my best to love the people God has put in my life at this time. i have no doubt that one day i will be loving a set of children in another country that will call me mama, but right now, i am learning to be content. i am growing and soaking up lessons that i will take with me for the rest of my life. while i cannot honestly say that i wouldn't trade this time, i am finally accepting the lessons i have to learn, and realizing that God knows where i am at in this moment and that He has a plan more perfect than any i could ever conjure up.

58.

¹ “Shout it aloud, do not hold back.

Raise your voice like a trumpet.

Declare to my people their rebellion

and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.

² For day after day they seek me out;

they seem eager to know my ways,

as if they were a nation that does what is right

and has not forsaken the commands of its God.

They ask me for just decisions

and seem eager for God to come near them.

³ ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,

‘and you have not seen it?

Why have we humbled ourselves,

and you have not noticed?’

“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please

and exploit all your workers.

⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,

and in striking each other with wicked fists.

You cannot fast as you do today

and expect your voice to be heard on high.

⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for people to humble themselves?

Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed

and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the LORD?

⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness^[a] will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath

and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

and the LORD’s holy day honorable,

and if you honor it by not going your own way

and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,

and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land

and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”

For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

- isaiah 58

right now, my church is doing a series on isaiah 58 and what fasting truly is. this passage is one of my favorites, and it's so cool to see how people are taking hold of it and really trying to live it out. i lead the junior high girls, and one of them was telling me how she did a fundraiser and was able to build a well in africa with the money she raised. another couple that is friends with my parents is talking about actually building a house for one of the families in the village we partner with in ethiopia. i pray that everyone will stick with it and that it will not just be a month-long attempt to understand and eradicate poverty.
for me personally, this passage ignites my heart and awakes my soul. this is what i dream of. this is what i want my life to be about. however, i keep telling myself that i am just a student, and that when i finish school, i will do something meaningful and something to help the poor. God has really been convicting me of this mindset and i have been feeling challenged to do something now. i'm not sure exactly what i am supposed to do yet, but i am learning to be more generous with my money with the people who are in my life right now, doing random acts of kindness. right now, i think i need to learn to be more generous with my money and in tune with the Holy Spirit to know who i need to be generous with.

EDIT: formatting hates me, and i'm not sure why.