genuineness. {yes, that's a word.}

i've been having a lot of conversations with people lately where the topic of genuineness has come up. {i looked up the word 'genuineness' in the dictionary. somehow it doesn't seem like a real word, but apparently it is?}

what does it mean to be genuine? when i looked it up on dictionary.com this definition came up:

genuine {adjective} : free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere

so let's break this down a bit more. pretense is a false show of something, affectation is an effort to appear to have a quality not really or fully possessed, and hypocrisy is a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude and sincerity is freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity.

THEREFORE...genuineness is free from false shows. genuineness is free from efforts to pretend to be someone you aren't. genuineness is being one person all the time. genuineness doesn't put on a mask. genuineness is about being kind rather than just being nice.

i want so badly to be genuine. i want to be one of those people where what you see is what you get but i just don't know how. {note: when i say that, i don't mean one of those arrogant people that says 'love me for who i am or get away.' i mean one of those people that is just straight up without any two facedness.}

cons:
genuine people are vulnerable. genuine people can be taken advantage of because people know they care. genuine people are selfless, caring more about others needs and wants than their own.

because of these things, it's intimidating to try to be genuine. i'm afraid that if i was genuine, i would become almost neglected. i'm afraid that my needs and wants wouldn't be met. in all honesty, i feel like i have to whine a little in order for people to actually care about how i'm doing. i'm afraid of my idea of genuineness...someone who gives and gives and gives and never receives.

pros:
genuine people are free spirited. genuine people are trustworthy. genuine people are kind. genuine people are loved. genuine people are real.

i desire to be genuine. when i look at that list of pros and cons, i see the cons as inconsequential and shallow. i want to be REAL. i want to have an impact, and in my opinion, people who are genuine have more of an impact on those around them than people who aren't genuine. and overall, i feel like i am called to be a genuine person. so i'm working with my Papa to figure out what that looks like and how i can live it out in a practical way.

thank you for once again "listening" to my ramblings!

{DISCLAIMER : this isn't an enlightened post about genuineness. this post is simply my ideas of who and what a genuine person is.} (:

note to self.

dear abigail joy anthony (aka self),
please oh please don't stay up until 4:30am the night before you have TONS of homework to do. you might have the time of your life, but i don't know how long i will be able to stay awake for!
much love,
- your body

beautiful chaos.

beautiful chaos. {i must admit...i stole this phrase off a friend's blog because it so aptly fits my life!} if i could define my life in 2 words, those are the words i would use.

there are countless days when i just want to curl up in bed and cry. i always have at least 3 to-do lists going, and there are days when i simply look over my to-do lists and the tears well up. life is overwhelming. life is chaotic. life is stressful. but ultimately, life is beautiful. when i am able to remove myself from the day to day stress and tears, i can see that life is such a beautiful thing.

for example...
- as i write right now i am curled up in a fort made entirely out of blankets and obscure pieces of furniture with my youngest sister and my youngest brother. i have owl city playing softly and i can hear their heavy breathing as they sleep. i live for moments like this.
- earlier tonight, i talked my 10 year old brother into teaching me how to jerk. {if you do not know what the jerk is, look it up. it's the hardest thing ever.} we ended up giggling and dancing around my room together. i live for moments like this.
- today, i went up to my little brother and gave him a big hug and he just held on and told me he loved me. i live for moments like this.
- i was babysitting earlier this week and the 10 month old just curled up in my arms and snuggled up to me. i live for moments like this.
- on friday, my siblings and i had a homework date. we all got on my bed with our respective assignments and worked together and laughed and talked and joked and shared stories. i live for moments like this.
- a few nights ago, i sat at the dinner table with my mom well into the evening and shared life with her. by the end of the night, we were laughing so hard we had tears running down our faces. i live for moments like this.

all too often, i allow moments like this to pass by without acknowledging the beauty in them. all too often, i dismiss them as i panic about a test that i'm unprepared for or dwell on the teacher who doesn't like me. so often, i forget to smile at my little brother's joke or greet my little sister as she runs in the door. i want to be the loving, Spirit-filled, gracious, joyful, whimsical, free-spirited, passionate, enthusiastic friend and sister...i try so hard. but i'm just not this person all by myself. it requires a strength beyond my own to have the energy to look after anyone but myself. my friends and i constantly remind each other to "look for the amazing" in life. look for the amazing in the small things. i'm afraid that too much of life of late has been about "surviving" without regard to the people around me. i tell myself that if i can "just survive another week," i can survive anything. too much of my life is spent living for the future.

over spring break, my sweet friend kevin went home to Jesus after a battle with cancer. after observing his life and death, i adamantly resolved to live life to the fullest. to enjoy the small things. to revel in the simple beauties. to love hard without reservations. to love life. to laugh too much and encourage just enough. i'm afraid that as the months have slipped away, that my resolve toward these things has faded away. tonight as i read my sweet friend rachel's blog, i was reminded to live life to the fullest. my current method of life was challenged.

i want to be one of those people who radiates joy, empathy, love, peace, patience, a gentle spirit, and genuine kindness. in fact, i just want to be a genuine person. so tonight i am making a new resolution to allow Papa to allow himself to permeate through me and overflow out of me. i know that i can not be the person i want to be on my own strength. so it's a good thing i don't have to rely on my own strength!

if you've made it this far...kudos. thanks for "listening" to my ramblings. (:

tuesday funday?

today was my geography midterm! and i survived! i am interested to see what my score will be...not quite sure how well i did.

this will be me tonight:



my siblings and i are making blanket forts to sleep in tonight. it will be way too much fun. (: i love my siblings! i've been flying solo lately so it's nice to be home for once and get some much needed family time! so for now they are watching me blog and we're listening to taylor swift's new album. it's so good. {except the whole thing makes me want to cry!}

quick side note:
it's always such an interesting experience when people at the college find out i'm only 16. today when a guy from my government class found out, he let loose with a string of expletives. he was upset because he was in 3rd grade when i was born. not my fault! another girl kept looking at me and saying "are you kidding me?!" over and over when i told her about getting my senior pictures done. sorry everyone, but i'm just an old soul in a young body! haha

alright that's all i've got for now. have a wonderfully blessed week. (:

weekends are to live for!

friday i got kidnapped by my lovely friend haley (this is us):



aren't we adorable? ;) and we baked some of these:



they were so very delicious! :D we then went to a football game, where my titans won big time! (: after the game, a mcdonalds run and a party made life interesting! had so much fun talking until like 2am. (:

saturday i slept, skyped friends, babysat, and then headed to haley's house to play this amazing game:



haha so much fun! i have some amazing friends. (: and today? i had church this morning, then went to a friend's house and played dress up. (:



ta da! (: it was loads of fun! then back to haley's house for a movie and dinner and fun times! haley and i are going to be good friends. (: haha!

i love weekends oh so very much!

weekends are my favorite. (:

today, i got my senior pictures back! i had them taken on monday, and i received the cd with the pictures today. i am incredibly excited! now....to pick my favorites...that will be the hard part! help me out! here's a link to the facebook album

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=242230&id=527471713&l=8c05c2f9b6

check it! (:

wake up, men.

i appreciate chivalry.
i appreciate being encouraged by guys who don’t have ulterior motives.
i appreciate guys who are leaders.
i appreciate guys who take responsibility for their actions.
i appreciate guys who aren’t apathetic.
i appreciate not being objectified.
i appreciate humility.
i appreciate selflessness.
i appreciate courtesy.
i appreciate respect.
i appreciate patience.
i appreciate real kindness.
i appreciate politeness.
i appreciate honesty.
i appreciate forgiveness.
i appreciate gentleness.
i appreciate feeling safe.
i appreciate feeling protected.
i appreciate optimism.
i appreciate hugs.

i am incredibly blessed to have guys in my life who live these things out, and i can’t tell you how dear they are to me. but i’m afraid guys like these are few and far between. only a fraction of guys in my life are actually like this.

to the guys in my life who epitomize these attributes...i adore you guys. y’all make my life so much better. i can’t explain how much y'all mean to me. thank you. thank you. thank you. your efforts do not go unnoticed.

to the guys in my life who do not live this out – take notes. please. i wish i could tell you that it'll be easy, but it won't be. i wish i could tell you that everyone would notice your actions, but it's not true. but trust me - it'll be worth it. your efforts will not be futile or in vain.

musings.

what is love anyway? the phrase "i love you" gets thrown around daily. what does it even mean? according to webster's dictionary, love is both a noun and a verb. in verb form, it means "to hold dear." if that was love perhaps the word wouldn't be overused. but i must disagree with sir webster and say that love is so much more than "holding someone dear." in order to explore what love truly means, let's go to 1 corinthians.

love is patient. love is kind. it does not envy. it does not boast. it is not proud. it is not rude. it is not self-seeking. it is not easily angered. it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails. [niv]

love never gives up. love cares more for others than for self. love doesn't want what it doesn't have. love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back but keeps going to the end. love never dies. [the message]

i feel like these are much more accurate pictures of what love really is. my 2 favorite parts of this are:

1. it is not self seeking.
love is not self seeking. love isn't focused on MY wants or even MY needs. this means that if the person you really love leaves you for someone else, you will accept that. if that person is happy with someone else, you will accept that. this is when you realize whether you really love the person or not. are you willing to see them with someone else if it's what's best for them?

2. love never fails.
love never fails. sorry guys but this whole "i love you" thing that gets thrown around all the time almost always fades away. 2 weeks later when you break up or have a fight, will you still be saying you love that person? love isn't something that can be shut off like a light switch after a friendship or relationship comes to an end. love is something that never dies.

SOOO...those are my thoughts of the night. thoughts? questions? comments?

wednesday night blues.

today my parents left for 2 weeks of bliss on the beaches of hawaii. and i am left at home to slog through my homework. therefore, it's one of these kinds of nights:



that's right, folks. i'm rocking the green pore cleansing face mask as i attempt to complete my homework. i'm also considering cutting my hair off? i don't know what came over me! but i'm thinking this is cute:





so i don't know. there's my musings of the evening. (:

a glimpse into the life of an anthony child.

tonight started out just like any other night - my family circled up like we always do to chat and pray together. somehow, we began talking about the future and what our family gatherings will look like in 20 years. my dad insisted that our children must call him "granpappy." uhm i'm thinking no. and he and i came up with the idea that our children will call my mom "nony" haha (: my dad wants each of us kids to have 8 kids of our own, so that will make 82 of us at each immediate family gathering. my dad also thinks that we should all stay at my parents house because "it'll be tradition" so there will be 82 of us sleeping in the same house. crazy! so we began brainstorming as to how that could work, and my dad came up with the idea for a "pull a number for a shower" thingamabob. so he imagined one of our kids pulling a number and being like "46! shoooot!" hahaha. and there'd be a little "now serving #12" sign above the door. giggle.
oh. and luke is convinced that his children are going to be like this:



and that they will even walk around with their hands like that. oh and they will call luke and his wife "father" and "mother" rather than mom and dad. (and they will call my parents "grandmother" and "grandfather" rather than "granpappy" and "nony") here's another picture of what luke is convinced his children will be like:



hilarious.

oh and levi's children will be like this:



total surfer children. it'd be so fun to see luke and levi's children interact. haha!

and i will be the awesome "auntie abigail" who is married to some super attractive guy (that was lydia's bit) who travels the world and buys trinkets for the nieces and nephews. yes. this will be me:



free spirit world traveler auntie extraordinaire. (: i like it. haha!

so here's my dad in 20 years:





and my mother will be some cute little old woman who keeps my daddyo sane. here she is:



and this will be caleb:



some 38 year old tycoon businessman who owns half of america. and here's josiah:



some 35 year old youth pastor leading worship. and here's destiny:



some girl living it up in la or something! haha! here's luke:



kidding, kidding! here he is:



so that's luke. supposedly he's just going to be rich and never work. haha! here's lydia!



she'll be some adorable little mom. (: here's josh!



i don't even know what he'll be doing. haha! and finally, here's levi!



he'll be some cali beach bum.


so there you go! there's my family in 20 years! ;)

tuesday thoughts.

today was my first midterm of the year and my first essay test ever. i feel fairly confident about it, but i guess we shall see how well i knew the material when i get my grade back! it was in american government. this is my first time taking american government, so i hope i walk away with a better understanding of the topic! i also had a geography test today. geography just may be the death of me! it is a difficult class for me, since it isn't the way that my brain works, but i'm sure i'll do fine. (:

okay...enough about school! except my last class of the day was canceled so i got to come home two hours early! (:

for lunch, i had this:


deeeeelish. i could get fat off those. :O

tomorrow, my parents leave for hawaii. i am so very jealous of their opportunity to go somewhere warm and tropical! but to be honest, i'm feeling blessed right now. i have an amazing family, unbelievable friends, and everything that i could possibly need. oh and...the rangers won last night. (:



let's go rangers! i wish i was back in texas for the wild excitement and celebrations, but i will live vicariously through my texas friends! (:

rainy day whims.

okay. so once again, i'm going to try to blog. i've had an itching for it lately, and i think it'd be loads of fun! (: so here goes nothing!

it's monday, october 18th and i am trying to enjoy the 45 degree overcast autumn weather.

to be honest, i would love to be curled up in this:



while drinking some of this: (spiced cider, for those of you silly enough to not know!)



and watching this:



but alas, it is a monday and i must be productive. even if it kills me! i slept far too late today and must make up for that in the next two hours. this afternoon, i am getting my senior pictures taken by the lovely julie miller! i can not wait. (: let's hope the weather clears up before then!
this has been such a gorgeous autumn for us colorado residents. hopefully, it will make the long winter more bearable! i am learning to love the color that the aspen trees add to the mountains rather than miss the midwest colors that i am accustomed to. here's a taste of the colors i miss:



gorgeous, isn't it? but i will be there for a (hopefully) white christmas, so it's okay. (:

happy monday, everyone!