i don't get it.

what hope can remain in the depth of this pain?

i don’t see it.

the earth is groaning night and day.

a song of human slavery.

of dark disease and poverty.

of children in captivity.

God, that’s the sound that comes to me.

are you still far away on high?

still staring out at that empty sky?

still reaching out with that longing hand?

i hear no voice and i don’t understand.

i know about theology.

i know you gave your son for me.

i know you’re wrapped in mystery.

i get invisibility.

but i still see their misery.

i hear their voices haunting me.

saying “who will come and set us free?”

“who will come and set us free?”

“who will come and set us free?”

so.

here am i. send me.

{i stole these words from the youtube video "a thousand questions" but they echo my heart's cry.}

questions.

this week, i was looking at pictures from somalia, where they're having horrid droughts and famine and thousands of people are starving to death. i saw pictures of flies eating away at children because they were too weak to swat them away. i saw a 7 month child who only weighed 7.5 pounds because of severe malnutrition. i saw pictures of women who held their children close with fear in their eyes, as they were aware they couldn't provide for their children and that their children may very well die in their arms due to starvation. i looked through these pictures and wept, and my first thought was "why isn't that me, God?" i know i am no better than that 7 month old child. i was disgusted by myself when i finished my weeping and crying out to God on behalf of these people and looked up to see my iphone and laptop in front of me, with a box of crackers on the table where i had been eating them before i stumbled upon these pictures. i was almost horrified with myself, and begged God to tell me why i was blessed enough to live in a place where i don't have to wonder if i will ever eat again, or where i don't worry about freezing to death as i sleep, or where i know that i am loved by my family and friends. the rest of the day, i wrestled with the question "why me, God?"

why have i been chosen to live here? i don't understand.