well...it is now officially march. thus begins "no makeup march." to be honest, i am not excited to do this. i have zero desire to go a month without makeup. nobody needs to see that. but last night i was at a concert and the band mercy me came on and sang their song "beautiful" and it totally touched my heart. God has some important things to teach me about the way he views me and how i look in his eyes. so i embark on this journey for God. nobody else. {i even have someone making bets as to how long i'll last.} this "journey" is for God. not me. not the people around me. i have such a strong desire to see God glorified through this and i know he will be glorified. it would be wonderful if God brought people into my life who are willing to do this with me {so i'm not the only one meandering around in all of my makeupless glory} but that's not what it's about. this is about me and God. what God wants to do in my life.
so here i go.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
encouragement. (:
there's something powerful about the body of Christ joining together and encouraging and challenging each other. there's something powerful about expressing what God is doing in your life to other believers and seeing God use that to speak into their lives. there's something powerful about seeing lives transformed. about watching people change. about seeing people take hold of something they're passionate about and run with it. there's something powerful about dreams being chased and God being glorified.
this is what i was reminded of this afternoon. i got my nails done and went to coffee with a sweet friend and got to hear a bit about what God is doing in her life, as well as what God has laid on her heart and her dreams and desires. God is good. it's so encouraging to hear what God is doing in other people and to get to share what he is doing in my life. i believe lives are being transformed. and i can't wait to be a part of it. i can't wait to see how he draws me in to that and allows me to be a part of that.
i want to be a life changer. so much. i just need God to show me how to be. i need to make time to be. i need to pour into people as much as i hope to be poured into. i need to be sure i take time to speak and listen. probably listen more and speak less? i seem to be good at speaking. God's teaching me to listen and to find peace, and i think that's a lesson i have to learn before i can be effective as a life changer.
now don't get me wrong here...i don't want to be a life changer. but i would be honored if God used me and worked through me to transform lives. i want to be the person he desires me to be and calls me to be. i just need to keep seeking him to figure out what he has in store for me and what that plan looks like.
so perhaps this is a bit rambl-y? i'm sorry. i've been having trouble lately with putting my thoughts together into cohesive terms. so bear with me until i figure out how to speak clearly again. school is stealing my clarity. oh look...another rabbit trail. let me just stop before i continue. {does that even make sense?! i doubt it.} i'm in a weird mood. anyways. hahaha
this is what i was reminded of this afternoon. i got my nails done and went to coffee with a sweet friend and got to hear a bit about what God is doing in her life, as well as what God has laid on her heart and her dreams and desires. God is good. it's so encouraging to hear what God is doing in other people and to get to share what he is doing in my life. i believe lives are being transformed. and i can't wait to be a part of it. i can't wait to see how he draws me in to that and allows me to be a part of that.
i want to be a life changer. so much. i just need God to show me how to be. i need to make time to be. i need to pour into people as much as i hope to be poured into. i need to be sure i take time to speak and listen. probably listen more and speak less? i seem to be good at speaking. God's teaching me to listen and to find peace, and i think that's a lesson i have to learn before i can be effective as a life changer.
now don't get me wrong here...i don't want to be a life changer. but i would be honored if God used me and worked through me to transform lives. i want to be the person he desires me to be and calls me to be. i just need to keep seeking him to figure out what he has in store for me and what that plan looks like.
so perhaps this is a bit rambl-y? i'm sorry. i've been having trouble lately with putting my thoughts together into cohesive terms. so bear with me until i figure out how to speak clearly again. school is stealing my clarity. oh look...another rabbit trail. let me just stop before i continue. {does that even make sense?! i doubt it.} i'm in a weird mood. anyways. hahaha
Friday, February 18, 2011
just breathe.
the past few weeks have been crazy, and next week is going to be even more ridiculous. {monday: school 9a-7p. tuesday: babysit 8a-9p. wednesday: school 9a-9p. thursday: school 9a-12p. meeting 4p-5p. mentoring 5p-6p. bible study 6:30p-9p. friday: go out of town to stay with kara and elizabeth at college for the weekend.} today i babysat from 10:30a-9p. long day. busy day. but through it all, i find the good things.
tonight at the dinner table i was able to just sit and laugh until i cried with my baby girls. we all giggled the whole time and acted like we were 5 years old. {oh wait...aud is 5 and laur is only 4. hah whoops.} i also sat on the driveway and blew bubbles with laur for who knows how long and watched her chase them. these are the beautiful moments in life.
all too often, i forget to take time to just breathe. my method of "breathing" is sitting on my floor crying. i need to learn to revel in the wonderful times. to laugh unabashedly when i'm enjoying myself. to actually sleep without worrying about what needs to be done or the things i've forgotten.
i have to learn to have a heart at peace when life is anything but peaceful. that's what i'm learning this week.
tonight at the dinner table i was able to just sit and laugh until i cried with my baby girls. we all giggled the whole time and acted like we were 5 years old. {oh wait...aud is 5 and laur is only 4. hah whoops.} i also sat on the driveway and blew bubbles with laur for who knows how long and watched her chase them. these are the beautiful moments in life.
all too often, i forget to take time to just breathe. my method of "breathing" is sitting on my floor crying. i need to learn to revel in the wonderful times. to laugh unabashedly when i'm enjoying myself. to actually sleep without worrying about what needs to be done or the things i've forgotten.
i have to learn to have a heart at peace when life is anything but peaceful. that's what i'm learning this week.
Monday, February 7, 2011
love and trust.
love. one simple four letter word that is utterly impossible to define or describe. trust. easy enough to define, but incredibly difficult to build up. God has been teaching me a lot about love and trust lately. {which actually seem to go hand in hand.} i feel like he is tearing down all of my preconceived notions about these two things, whispering in my ear telling me that he wants to wreck my ideas of love and trust and reshape them in a way that brings honor and glory to himself.
first of all, he wanted to teach me about trust. you see...i have some trouble trusting people. i let people get to a certain level of depth {or closeness} with me, and then when they reach that, either i push them away, fearful that they will hurt me, or i build walls to block them out. only a select few ever make it past these barriers. for a long time, i've told myself that God is the one that i trust most. that i would trust him with anything and know that his plan is best for me. last weekend, however, God tested that. you see, i have had my life planned out since i was like eight years old. {go to college for elementary education. move to papua new guinea. teach first grade at ukarumpa international school.} last weekend, God asked me to give that up. to give up my dream for moving overseas and trust that his plan is best. i'm sure you can imagine how that went over...{not well, in case you were wondering.} i had my arguments with God and asked my questions and begged him to not say what i thought {knew} he was saying. well...God didn't relent. so i gave up my dream to him. now i have no idea what i am going to do after college, but i am learning to trust my Papa that he has the best purpose for me.
love...oh love. you see, this is another topic that i proudly declare "oh...i understand what this is all about. i know what love is. maybe i'm not very good at it, but i definitely know what it is and what it looks like." over the past couple of weeks, God has completely been changing my viewpoint about this as well. i am currently reading the book "redeeming love" by francine rivers and it is completely wrecking my view of love in such a good way. {this book is a novel based on the story of hosea from the Bible. read it.} in this book {and in the story of hosea}, hosea shows an unreal grasp of what love truly is. {read the story to fully understand what i'm talking about, of course...!} although his wife leaves him, he pursues her, even knowing the filth she has become accustomed to. hosea listens to God's leading, doing one of the most difficult things i can imagine. through this book and the story of hosea, God is showing me what love truly is. how unbelievably unconditional real love is. i am being blown away right now...that is for sure. i feel as if i've never known what real love is, and through this book and the story of hosea, God is showing me how vast and incomprehensible his love for me is, as well as how much he treasures me. in doing so, he is giving me a passion to love the people he puts in my life in the same way he loves me.
the lessons that i'm learning right now are not easy. they will not be fully implemented overnight or even over the course of years, but i am definitely learning and i am definitely taking steps in the right direction. i cannot wait to see where God leads me and what he has in store for me this week, month, year, and lifetime. all i know is i am blessed and God is good.
first of all, he wanted to teach me about trust. you see...i have some trouble trusting people. i let people get to a certain level of depth {or closeness} with me, and then when they reach that, either i push them away, fearful that they will hurt me, or i build walls to block them out. only a select few ever make it past these barriers. for a long time, i've told myself that God is the one that i trust most. that i would trust him with anything and know that his plan is best for me. last weekend, however, God tested that. you see, i have had my life planned out since i was like eight years old. {go to college for elementary education. move to papua new guinea. teach first grade at ukarumpa international school.} last weekend, God asked me to give that up. to give up my dream for moving overseas and trust that his plan is best. i'm sure you can imagine how that went over...{not well, in case you were wondering.} i had my arguments with God and asked my questions and begged him to not say what i thought {knew} he was saying. well...God didn't relent. so i gave up my dream to him. now i have no idea what i am going to do after college, but i am learning to trust my Papa that he has the best purpose for me.
love...oh love. you see, this is another topic that i proudly declare "oh...i understand what this is all about. i know what love is. maybe i'm not very good at it, but i definitely know what it is and what it looks like." over the past couple of weeks, God has completely been changing my viewpoint about this as well. i am currently reading the book "redeeming love" by francine rivers and it is completely wrecking my view of love in such a good way. {this book is a novel based on the story of hosea from the Bible. read it.} in this book {and in the story of hosea}, hosea shows an unreal grasp of what love truly is. {read the story to fully understand what i'm talking about, of course...!} although his wife leaves him, he pursues her, even knowing the filth she has become accustomed to. hosea listens to God's leading, doing one of the most difficult things i can imagine. through this book and the story of hosea, God is showing me what love truly is. how unbelievably unconditional real love is. i am being blown away right now...that is for sure. i feel as if i've never known what real love is, and through this book and the story of hosea, God is showing me how vast and incomprehensible his love for me is, as well as how much he treasures me. in doing so, he is giving me a passion to love the people he puts in my life in the same way he loves me.
the lessons that i'm learning right now are not easy. they will not be fully implemented overnight or even over the course of years, but i am definitely learning and i am definitely taking steps in the right direction. i cannot wait to see where God leads me and what he has in store for me this week, month, year, and lifetime. all i know is i am blessed and God is good.
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